I came to tell you goodbye
three hundred and sixty-five days–
eight thousand, seven hundred and forty-nine hours ago
you left
too quickly
for any of us
to say goodbye
I couldn’t do it at first
I didn’t know how
I didn’t want to,
It didn’t seem right
and for a while, I wasn’t even sure where you went
But you were gone
and so I tried to let go

We went to groups
and talked about how to say goodbye
it made me think
it made me hurt
so I closed off that spot
posted NO TRESPASSING signs
and hung yellow tape
over that place in my heart

But there were birthdays
and days you weren’t there
and the void screamed out at me

the leaves changed, withered, fell
the earth hardened: stone and frozen
ice crept into places
everything sliding, slipping
and white–silent white
covers me, a blanket
hush  sleep  hush

then warm light
on my face
waking me up
stirring my soul
a flower!
I had almost forgotten…life

and the pain?
it has gone away
melted with the snow
and what remains
is the sweet fragrance of
your love
your life
your memory

and so I came to tell you goodbye.

When I was a foster mom, two days after Mother’s Day two of my girls and one of our boys were killed.  I wrote this poem for a memorial service we had on the first anniversary…years later I’m still trying to figure out how to say goodbye.