Yesterday I shared with you my hopefully helpful hints for men.  Today, I will share my ideas for how strong women can help themselves and the men the love grow to a deeper understanding and appreciation of one another.

Dear Strong Women,

Myth busting:  You are not destined for a life of permanent singleness!  While it may feel like you scare all the men away and while others may tell you to “tone it down or you’ll intimidate all the guys,” just think of it as weeding out all the unworthy suitors.  A strong and secure man will admire and delight in your strength; it is one of your highly desirable qualities!

This being said, there are some things we can do to help ourselves so that these wonderful men can actually get to us.

Hint giving:
Know thyself. Knowing yourself, from your nastiest scars to your loveliest features, is one of the most attractive qualities a strong woman can possess.  We are a mystery unto ourselves and need maps to navigate the unfathomable depths of our own souls, shouldn’t we then offer those around us the courtesy of similar guides?  Of course, we cannot offer a map if we have not yet discerned our own contours, peaks, valleys, deserts, oceans,trails, caves and plains.  Many of us have some barbed wire that we’ve strung up over certain places in our souls.  What are we protecting?  Who are we keeping out–or in?  Might it be time to take it down?  Many of us have things that are difficult to do: asking for help, trusting others, letting someone in, trusting ourselves.  What are your challenges?   What do you need in order to accomplish any of these things?    What are your gifts, strengths, loves, talents, passions?  What quickens your pulse?  What furrows your brow?  What makes you swoon?  What makes you take action?  What makes you protect?  What makes you lavish?

Do unto others…As you would have them do unto you.  This is a golden rule not only good for playground etiquette but for relationships as well.  Just as we want to be respected and admired for the strong women we are, so too men desire our admiration and respect.  We need to take care to cherish his masculinity and strength just as we long for him to delight in our femininity and strength.  As long as our strength comes from a sense of self, rather than a desire to make those around us seem weak, we will be open to affirming our men’s strengths.  They need to know they are needed by us, that they are useful to us, and that they have something very valuable to contribute to our being and our lives.  While we are capable and have “made do” without him, when he does come into our lives he does not want to be some mere accessory.

If this area is a struggle, practice with your guy friends.  Let him drive if you go out somewhere.  Ask him to teach you about something he knows how to do (even if you could very well figure it out/look it up yourself)–but be sincere in learning, as with us, he does not want to simply feel humored.

Finally, embrace his strength and manliness–remember, this is what you’ve been dreaming of all these years!  After asking his help to move heavy boxes, give him a fantastic backrub–this kind of positive reinforcement will go a looooOOOoooong way the next time you have some schlepping to do and you can compliment his strength as you work his worn muscles.   Avoid jokes that jab at his masculinity or would humiliate rather than affirm.  Many men have an innate desire to protect and provide for those for whom he cares.  If you’re running a household together, maybe let his paycheck pay the bills and put your check toward savings.

Dream together. Most likely, you will both have dreams of what you’d like life to look like in the future and neither of you will want to compromise entirely.  Engage him in talking about his dreams for himself and for your relationship.  Talk together about how you can support one another in reaching your goals–maybe you take turns each having a season to shine while the other works behind the scenes; maybe your goals can coexist in ways you never imagined; maybe your ambitions compliment each other creating an even more dynamic vision together than apart–the possibilities can be endless!

Embrace your femininity. While you are strong and amazing, you are still a woman and it is your very uniqueness as a woman that has drawn this man to you (or will draw a man to you) so indulge that part of you.  Part of our womanness is our capacity for tenderness and nurturing–not only in a maternal capacity, but in a general capacity as well.  We can show our tenderness in the way we let our guard down around the men we have grown to trust.  Its in the loving touch, sweet embrace, expression of gratitude.  Its in the telling about a upsetting situation, in the asking for his perspective, in the seeking his comfort after a stressful day.  Its in letting him fight some of the battles with the world, in letting him know how safe you feel with him, in sharing your deepest thoughts and fears.

This also means tending to the physical side of our femininity.  Sure we can don work boots and tie our hair up and still pull off being sexy.  But we should also delight in tastefully showing off our best features–whether its dangerous curves, silky hair, luscious lips, captivating eyes or long legs…work it!   And because we are strong women who know that we are far more than the sum total of our anatomical features, we can confidently embrace these lovely parts of our being.

Passionately encouraging vibrant individuals who relish rich relationships,
Mav