This week I got a shocking, adrenaline-pumping, reality check about gardening.

One morning after I watered all the pots and the flower bed (which I now realize I have not ever mentioned before…so look for that post coming soon!) I saw a large pile of weeds had sprung up…almost overnight.  So I was happily tending my little piece of Eden humming a contented little tune when I reached under some foliage to get at the base of some of the weeds.

When I did the aforementioned deed, I felt something move then saw something slither-crawl away.  I let out a yelp that I tried to contain given the hour of the morning and my desire to not make enemies out of my neighbors.  I tentatively stepped back and away from my little secret garden–formerly known as paradise–never once turning my back on the *THING*!  I looked around to see if *IT* was still there so I could get a closer-yet-at-quite-a-good-distance-away look.  I ran inside to get my camera and snapped this:

Yeah...gross.

I won’t make the picture too big because its pretty nasty…and apparently some of my friends have been experiencing VRT (vicarious reptilian trauma)* as a result of my pictures; I’ll try to save you from that horror.

So all day I was a fluster with flash-backs to Fergison’s surprise appearance.  I was sad that my once blissful flowering haven had been marred by such a scaly nemesis.  I was also curious about what the heck the thing was.  I’m telling you, this was no cute little gecko or friendly little salamander.  Friends, this lizard-snake thing was at least 8 inches long with a very not cute face.  So I did some searching and found this site (**Warning** clicking on this link will take you to lots of pictures of reptiles; do not click on it if this will give you nightmares.  This Front Porch is not responsible for how your subconscious may torture you in your sleep state!) concluding that Fergison was an Alligator Lizard.

Awesome.

Totally made my day.

‘Cause Alligator Lizard makes it all sooOOOOoooo much better!

Well, I decided to name him Fergison.  I thought if I named him, I might be just a wee bit less likely to loathe him entirely.  He is after all just doing his lizard thing and I guess I could take it as a compliment that he chose my lush little garden nook to call his home…Yay *she said waving her mini-flag utterly without enthusiasm.

*VRT is not an actual phenomenon.