Ah the ill-fated six words of dread every single girl is loath to hear.

I recently saw a preview for a movie of this same title. It looked cute and fun and just the ticket for a sassy girls night out on the town. But underneath all the fun and flirting there was a twinge of something less-than-lighthearted: the reality that this is my story and this line seems to be on repeat in the cd player of lines in my life.

In my on-going and totally futile quest for understanding what goes on between men and women, I stumbled across this site with an excerpt from the book He’s Just Not That Into You. I was fascinated by what I read.

Here I was reading all these apparent myths I have held onto for years about guys and the way they interact with women and the [vain] hope I’ve been holding out for them all along. I have definitely been guilty of believing almost every one of the myths listed in the excerpt I linked above. I’ve done the pining for the guy for almost a decade of friendship hoping that his platonic will turn romantic; I’ve actually been told that I’m probably intimidating to guys so I’ve definitely tried to help the guy out a little; I’ve hung in there while he sorts out the life waiting until he’s ready to start dating knowing that I’ll be the first he’ll call…; and I’ve done the up front, forward, no nonsense and no games conversation. There, its all out in the open and you can say it–all together now: “He’s just not that into you!”

Well, its totally his loss. And I believe that because I happen to believe that I’m something pretty spectacular….finally–it only took me 28 years to get that about myself!

Even so, I’m still left confused. Mostly because there was always something on the other end that seemed like something more than friends–maybe there was chemistry, or long moments of eye contact, or being told how amazing I am, or the long intimate conversations, or the pacts made to marry each other if still single by the age of …, or the way he’s just as big a dork as I am and laughs at silly things with me. These things, my friends, create a GREAT deal of havoc in a woman’s heart and before she knows it she’s getting an Oscar for best supporting actress when she totally has everything it takes to be a dazzling leading lady.

Furthermore, women are left with the confounding reality that in the end there is very little we can do to actually win over a guy from platonic to romantic. I like how Liz (co-author of He’s Just Not That Into You) puts it, “The guys get to pick?! We’re just supposed to put on our little dresses and do our hair and bat our eyes and hope they choose us.” (I don’t know about you, but this brings back some scary flashbacks from middle school PE class and picking teams for kickball *shudder!)

She goes on to affirm how hard it is for women–especially smart, sexy, witty, successful women like many of you–to just sit back and let things happen without scheming, plotting and just “happening” to be in the same place at the same time. But she makes the fantastic point that all our pursuing of men really just disempowers us and fosters unhealthy feelings of unworthiness or not-good-enough-ness. She encourages women saying: “There is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn’t ever feel like I’m just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it’s good for us all to remember that we don’t need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We’re fantastic!”

Amen, sister!

You should read the whole article. I’m going to buy the book and when I read it, I’ll let you know whether or not you should read the whole book. From what I’ve read so far, it sounds like a savvy guide full of keen insight into the mystery that is male-female interaction. I also like that while the title smacks of discouragement, the general attitude of–well the excerpt anyway–is empowering and affirming.

So stay fabulous ladies and remember: You are fantastic. Period. Whether or not that dawns on him. You are, so own it!